$400 on Meat

$400 on Meat



…so there we were, young and poor. Fresh into our marriage, ya know when you still fix yourself up a little bit before they get home (change out of pajama pants and into sweat pants)?

That fresh. We were about to take a road trip to visit family for the holidays. I was just finishing up last minute house cleaning, because if there’s anything I can’t stand it’s coming home to a dirty house, and there was a knock at the door.

Let me just pause right here and tell you that I HATE door sales(wo)men. And that is due to the fact that I.FALL.FOR.ANYTHING. I do. I can’t help but be suckered into a good sales pitch, I like to think I’m just very trusting to what people tell me. This is why I can’t bring myself to turn on QVS and HSN, buy all the things!! Scrub Daddy Sponge? Have one! And don’t get me started on the fitness equipment! (as a matter of fact… I DO have 5 minutes a day to get rock hard chiseled abs! Ordered!) So anyway…

I opened the door…and there he was. A MEAT SALESMEN! I felt a little bad for him, because he left the van running so he was probably turned down a lot. That’s when he asked if he could come in for a minute to do his demonstration (OMG!!!!….my own personal demonstration!?! Or was this about to be the last demonstration I would ever see…) Before I could decline the invitation of death, I heard myself, “sure! Come on in!”. (doh.) That’s when he opened THREE CASES of meat on my living room floor.

I could hardly contain myself. Steaks…Chicken..Salmon a plenty…(you want thing-a-ma-bobs? He’s got twenty.) He gave a very convincing argument about how if I were to purchase these meat packs in the grocery store I would be spending 4 times the amount that I would be if I just bought these cases of meat today. And why would he lie about that!? I mean who lies about meat. Not Shady McShady with the meat truck. No sir. So I asked him what the cost would be (to get him out of my house before I ended up in the back of his meat truck)..errr I mean so I could get back to cleaning. That’s when he proceeded to continue his very convincing argument on meat truck meat vs store bought meat, and very quickly slid in the $400 price tag (Brad would kill me.) “what. HOW MUCH?”. “”$400 ma’am..But you see…you get 3 cases of meat. And If you buy today, I will throw in two vacuum sealed racks of ribs.” It was at the exact moment that he said ribs that my eyes glazed over and I was sold. Brad can’t be mad at me after this…three cases of meat PLUS RIBS.

It’s practically un-American to be mad about free ribs. I wrote the check and got him out of my house. But then the door closed and I turned around to look at my meat filled living room. Where was I going to store all of this meat….and how was I going to tell Brad that I just spent $400 (that we legitimately didn’t have) on MEAT?!

I quickly worked up all the excitement I could so I could attempt to get him on board and then I gave him a call. I explained the whole deal and mid sales pitch he interjects “how much?” (-__-) “Well it was actually a steal because, like I said, we got THREE WHOLE CASES OF MEAT!! Plus ri-” “yeah yeah I know about the ribs…how much” “Well I wrote him a check for $400.” And then through gritted teeth he said, “get the check back NOW.” ::click:: (hmm…phone must have cut out.)


Now that we are 8 years into our marriage I can say that was the first and only time he has ever hung up on me. I immediately grabbed meat truck man’s business card (since when do shady meat truck drivers get business cards?), luckily he was super cool about it and brought my check back and rolled out with his cases of meat like it was the walk of shame (Whew that was a close one.) I can only assume that meat buyers’ remorse happens a lot in his field of work.


Leave a comment below if you have any stories about Door to Door salesmen!



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