All things considered, I am usually satisfied with the condition of my home. I have tiny humans in my house that seem to create small tornadoes in every room they enter, along with a dog who seems to blow his coat every damn day of the year.
So, I do what I can and there are normally no complaints. But for some reason, things change when I hear that we are having company.
As soon as I get word that “other people” will be entering my house, I look around with seemingly brand new eyes. I have eyes that are so much clearer it’s like I’m in a Claritin commercial. I see specks of lint all over the carpet, I discover the dried remnants of spilled milk down the the fronts of my cabinet doors, and suddenly it looks like the Death Star destroyed Alderaan inside my microwave.
How did my house get like this?!?
Panic sets in. I start barking orders at my kids (that they seemingly ignore). After a grueling combination of bribes and threats, we all get to work. I run around tirelessly perfecting the look of my house in no particular order while my kids pretend to clean their rooms. I think that I may suffer from cleaning A.D.D. I start working in the kitchen, then I take something to the living room… oh let me sweep the entry way.
After 45 minutes, I’ve been working hard, but it looks like I haven’t gotten much done because I don’t stay in one room long enough to make a difference. It also doesn’t help that about every 10 minutes I take a break to check a Facebook notification and then get sucked into playing a round of Candy Crush. OK, I ran out of lives….
Back to cleaning!
Once, I am finally finished cleaning all the rooms (ok maybe just the rooms that the guests will primarily see), I now see lots of other relatively unimportant things to fix. That throw pillow is in the center of the couch… Who would do that?! It needs to be on the left lounge chair! There are finger prints on the refrigerator door. WHY?!?! How hard is it to grab the f&@&$*% handle to open and close the fridge?!?
OMG! Yoshi needs a bath… wait then the house will smell like wet dog… is that better than dirty dog? I CAN’T DECIDE!
Eventually, I give up and drink wine while simultaneously spraying Febreeze on the rest of the living spaces. And the dog. And maybe even the kids.
SHIT! Look at the time! They will be here in 20 minutes and I am still in my PJs….