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Worst Tooth Fairy Ever!

Worst Tooth Fairy Ever!

So, I don’t know about the Tooth Fairy in your neighborhood, but ours sucks! She is forgetful, she is usually cheap, and she is not very stealthy. Like most relationships it started off well, and then slowly went downhill…

Our first encounter with the Tooth Fairy was about 3 years ago when Hailey was 5. She had just lost her first tooth, and then she legitimately lost her tooth! We couldn’t find it anywhere! So, she left a note for the Tooth Fairy under her pillow requesting Jelly Beans instead of money.

"Tooth Fairy I lost my tooth. Can I still have jellybeans?"
“Tooth Fairy I lost my tooth. Can I still have jellybeans?”

The Tooth Fairy was very excited to visit our house for the first time. She made sure jellybeans were gently placed under Hailey’s pillow and she sneaked in and out of the room undetected. We were all very impressed with her skills!

But things started to go down hill by the time she lost her 4th tooth. Hailey woke up to find a various amount of nickels and dimes in a Ziplock baggie under her pillow. She counted it up to be $1.35. The Tooth Fairy seemed ill prepared for the job.

Fast Forward to when Olivia lost her first tooth. Again, the Tooth Fairy was very excited to visit a child for the first time and she was seasoned now, no longer a rookie! But before she could start collecting teeth, Mrs. Fairy had to tuck in 2 kids and nurse an infant to sleep… and ended up falling asleep herself. The next morning we awoke to a very disappointed 5 yr. old who informed me that the Tooth Fairy never came. I cursed that stupid fairy up and down and then I did what all parents do in that situation. I lied to my child. “Oh no! I bet she is just running late. I heard a lot of kids lost teeth yesterday!” While Olivia went to brush the teeth that were still left in her mouth, the Tooth Fairy quickly scribbled a note, apologizing for being late, and left $1 under her pillow. I told Olivia to check one more time before leaving for school and she was delighted to find the treasure. Crisis averted… this time.

When Olivia lost her next tooth a couple weeks later, again she was excited for the Tooth Fairy to come. And again that bitch ass Tooth Fairy fell asleep early and forgot poor Olivia. I woke up so livid! I had a headache and I think it’s because I mentally punched the Tooth Fairy in the face. Olivia was so sad again! We told her the fairy was probably busy and we heard there were some shake-ups going on over at Fairy Headquarters. The next night the Tooth Fairy arrived and left money… but forgot to take the tooth. Olivia didn’t understand why she would forget the tooth and my husband explained that she was probably teaching some new fairies the ropes, “Those darn trainees!”

I honestly can’t remember the next couple mess ups that the Tooth Fairy made, but I was definitely caught once looking under Hailey’s pillow in the middle of the night and I had to explain to her that I was “just checking to make sure the Tooth Fairy actually showed up this time.”


Our most recent encounter with the Tooth Fairy was a few weeks ago. It had been a couple months since our big move to another state and Olivia had been wiggling this tooth since we were in our old house. It finally came out and she hurried to put it under her pillow. I professed to my husband how the Tooth Fairy really needs to step her game up and NOT forget because I think it’s the last tooth she will lose for a while. I swore, Tooth Fairy won’t forget tonight… I mean it… NOT TONIGHT!

Guess what? The Tooth Fairy forgot. Mother F@$&%#! Seriously?! Yet again, I had the most disappointed child. We convinced her that the Tooth Fairy must not have realized we moved. We were sure that she would show up that night once she realized her mistake.

So, that night after all the kids were tucked in, I sat down with Chris to watch some TV. Hours later we headed up to bed. I got comfortable under the covers and laid down my head on the pillow. Soooo comfortable. My eyes slowly closed and…

Can you tell this was hastily scribbled at 1:30am?!

F&$%! The damn Tooth Fairy didn’t come. That bitch ruins everything! OK. *Shakes husband awake* “Do you have any cash?” He grunts a reply that I take as a yes. I rifle through his wallet and see the options. $1, $5, or $20? I feel guilty for all the times Mrs. Fairy has royally ruined the fun of being a kid, but I didn’t feel $20 guilty. So, I settled on giving her a $5 bill… something Mr. Fairy gave me grief about for days to come; he’s old school and thinks $1 is pushing it. I informed him that if he wants to take over the Fairy business, he is more than welcome! Olivia ended up happy the next morning and that’s all that matters…

We’re hoping that our fairy can get her life together before she has to come back again because she is running out of excuses… Share your Tooth Fairy stories in the comments below!

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